The HR Whisperer

I was listening to the radio the other day on my way home from the ever-present swim team car pool drive (an hour and a half round trip, ugh) and heard the radio jockeys talking about Valentine’s Day and an article on they found on the Internet related to “64  Ways to Say I Love You.” 

Of course, I went to check it out and thought it was great fun – and something that would be worth translating into showing the love for employees or volunteers.

You see, we don’t do that enough.  And its been worse lately as folks are stressing over the lack of jobs and the lack of a decent economy.  Recognizing employees (and each other’s) contributions takes work – strengthening the relationship takes work – and retaining employees takes work.

So, in honor of Valentine’s day, here’s my list of 64 ways to let employees know you care. 

64 Ways to Show Employee Love

1. Be courteous.
2. Encourage physical and mental health.
3. Have fun. 
4. Don’t compare employees to each other.
5. Give your full attention. 
6. Trust. 
7. Truly listen to what the employee is saying (no multi-tasking!).
8. Be respectful.
9. Share some humor.
10. Be interested in the employee’s interests.
11. Be a cheerleader. 
12. Highlight the employee’s accomplishments.
13. Bring in pizza.
14. Ask for input.
15. Let bygones be bygones; embrace the present – and the future. 
16. Accept the fact that nobody’s perfect. 
17. Play hooky together. 
18. Show interest in the whole person, not  just the at-work person.
19. Catch more flies with honey than vinegar – be nice.
20. Apologize. 
21. Live by the Golden Rule.
22. Better yet, the Platinum Rule-do unto others as they like…unto them.
23. Tell the employee you appreciate him or her. 
24. Take a group picture and post it in your office.
25. Encourage risk-taking and from that, learning.
26. Talk about the day.
27. Laugh.  Best de-stressor outside of prescription drugs.
28. Pick your battles.
29. Have a vision and share it with inspiration.
30. Don’t be competitive; it’s a team effort.
31. Forget about labels – everyone is unique and special.
32. Don’t forget about the commonalities, though.
33. Have an ice cream sundae contest.
34. Watch a great teambuilding movie together like Remember the Titans.
35. Write a “you did an outstanding job” note once a week and mean it.
36. Share company war stories or historical (hysterical) tales.
37. Keep your word.
38. Have them plan the work and then work the plan.
39. Go to a seminar together.
40. Encourage them to join a professional association.
41. Bake cookies in the microwave and share.
42. Be a good idea-bouncer-offer.
43. Show your gratitude; you really can’t do the job without them.
44. Consider employees’ perspectives.
45. Respect personal lives and personal time.
46. Praise publically.
47. Correct privately.
48. Be a person that others want to be around.
49. Take pride in the employee’s large accomplishments.
50. Take pride in the employee’s small accomplishments, too.
51. Share a sincere compliment about the employee in front of other people.
52. Make time for the employee.
53. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes.
54. Give $1 lottery ticket, because they are a winner no matter what.
55. Give space when they need it.
56. Communicate a lot.
57. Be honest.
58. Ask for feedback on your leadership style.
59. Do something constructive with that feedback once you get it.
60. Teach tolerance.
61. Reconnect – do a fun team building exercise.
62. Give the benefit of the doubt.
63. Tell them how important they are to the success of the team and of the business.
64. Be a servant leader.

 True leadership does not dominate – it cultivates.
– HR Whisperer

You know, as the HR Whisperer, I’m really enamored with the whole idea of creating top performing organizations through positive behavior change. One of my favorite mentors, Cesar Millan, says, “A dog that doesn’t trust its human to be a good pack leader becomes unbalanced and often exhibits unwanted or antisocial behaviors.” It struck me that the same is true for people in organizations. We need to have strong leadership because in many cases our very business survival depends on a stable, organized and motivated team. Business survival instinct is perhaps one of our greatest natural motivators in the workplace and if a person is not guided well, it can not only result in unwanted behavior but total chaos in the long run.

So, I’m digging this concept and working it through in my brain as to how this relates to human capital and wouldn’t you know, I web-stumbled across an article recently published by Harvard Business Review (September 2008). Written by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis, “Social Intelligence and the Biology of Leadership” discusses new studies of the brain that show that business leaders can improve team performance by understanding not the psychology, but the biology of social intelligence. How cool. It struck me that scientists have discovered a biological underpinning to what makes a good leader great, which could toss more fuel on the fire in the “leaders are born, not made” camp. (Which I don’t subscribe to, by the way. I believe that anyone, given time and effort can change their behavior – even interpersonally. That’s why I’m in the business I’m in. Oh, I feel another blog topic coming on! <huge grin>)

More on the biology of leadership from Harvard Business Review:

“The salient discovery is that certain things leaders do—specifically, exhibit empathy and become attuned to others’ moods—literally affect both their own brain chemistry and that of their followers. Indeed, researchers have found that the leader-follower dynamic is not a case of two (or more) independent brains reacting consciously or unconsciously to each other. Rather, the individual minds become, in a sense, fused into a single system. We believe that great leaders are those whose behavior powerfully leverages the system of brain interconnectedness…If we are correct, it follows that a potent way of becoming a better leader is to find authentic contexts in which to learn the kinds of social behavior that reinforce the brain’s social circuitry. Leading effectively is, in other words, less about mastering situations—or even mastering social skill sets—than about developing a genuine interest in and talent for fostering positive feelings in the people whose cooperation and support you need.”

Wow. The idea that leaders need good interpersonal as well as functional skills has certainly been around for quite some time. As a matter of fact, Goleman coined the phrase, “social intelligence” to discuss this very thing. But what he and Boyatzis are talking about here is different – they’re saying that we have these things in our brains called mirror neurons that mimic what another person does. As social beings, when we “consciously or unconsciously detect someone else’s emotions through their actions, our brain’s mirror neurons reproduce those emotions and allow us to instantly share that experience.” Ever notice when two people are deep in discussion they tend to hold their arms the same way or cross their legs at the same time? That’s the mirror neurons in action.

 So, how can leaders take advantage of this brain interconnectedness? If it stands to reason that followers will create a social connection with their leader, it also stands to reason that they will emotionally feel whatever it is the leader is feeling and behave accordingly. If leaders are emotionless, don’t smile or otherwise engage their followers, they will not activate the mirror neutrons in a positive way, leading to distressed and nonperforming followers, and thus the potential for business chaos. Body language plays a great part also. If a leader’s body language doesn’t jibe with what is being said, the follower will go with the body language. Bodies don’t tell lies, mouths do.

 The bottom line is that when people feel good about what they are doing, when they have a social connection with their leaders, when they feel part of something that is bigger than them, those mirror neurons come in handy. Reinforce the brain’s social circuitry — if you want to motivate those around you, create a positive atmosphere. If you want higher performance or enhanced creativity, be in a good mood and show you care.

If you truly want the best from your followers, kick those mirror neutrons into high gear and create an environment where sincere respect, fun, laughter and performance are a serious part of your business operations.